Couples Therapy
Do You Feel As If Your Partner Is Not Meeting Your Emotional Needs?
Have you lost the feeling of security in your relationship? Do you no longer sense that your partner values and appreciates you? Are you experiencing the pain of not being heard or understood?
Perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed by the communication issues you are facing. You may feel rejected, as if nothing you do is good enough. The growing space you feel between you and your significant other may feel insurmountable.
If you are newly engaged, maybe you are questioning whether saying yes was the right choice. Perhaps you are doubting if your marriage can survive one more argument or hardship.
The issues you are facing may lead you to believe it is a hopeless situation. To turn things around, you or your partner might try to control the other, hoping for a positive outcome. This oftentimes just leads to the other partner feeling overwhelmed and causing them to withdraw even further.
Meeting each other’s emotional needs can be the biggest stressor in a relationship. Thoughts such as, “If I could just get it right, then my partner would love me,” or, “If I could just feel accepted, appreciated, and loved, then it will be okay,” may cross your mind.
Thankfully with the help of couples counseling, you do not have to be stuck in these patterns forever.
Negative Patterns Of Interaction Are Common In All Relationships
External influences can play a huge role in the success of relationships. We may be made to feel as if we are being too selfish or demanding. Mainstream culture may also lead us to believe that we are less of a man or woman if we express our feelings. Vulnerability is usually not promoted, and society often undermines the positive impact that understanding someone’s emotions can have in our relationships.
We all carry with us past trauma from our own relationships or issues we saw family members face growing up. Whether we intend to or not, we use these past experiences as a way to validate our responses to current situations. However, these negative patterns will often lead to frustration for both sides, causing us to feel as if nothing we do is right in the eyes of our significant others.
Moreover, we frequently lead ourselves to believe that we can fix our relationships solely based on the fact that we love one another. We may also compromise or avoid the conflict altogether. While these coping strategies may work short-term, they are not sustainable in the long run.
Avoiding the conflict completely may seem as if it is the perfect way to repair the relationship. However, this typically leads us to walk on eggshells around our partner. Not only does this increase the strain on our relationships, but it also decreases our connection.
Communication issues for couples are more common than most realize, and it is not easy to work through these negative cycles on your own. Fortunately, you do not have to. Breaking negative cycles in your marriage or relationship can be made easier through the help of a couple’s therapist.
Therapy For Couples Can Help You Restore The Connection In Your Relationship
Working with a couple’s therapist provides both partners the ability to explore the role emotions have in communication. Counseling provides a safe place for each of you to express your emotional needs.
As a couple’s therapist, I recognize that it can be hard to admit you need outside support for your relationship issues. During the intake session, we will focus on identifying the problems in your relationship and the goals that you want to work towards. As part of our discussion, I will assess how each of you attempts to communicate your emotional needs and evaluate how the other partner responds.
After the first session, I meet individually with both of you to discuss attachment history, past relationships, trauma, and any other concerns. This will help me to not only see the dynamics of your relationship when you are together, but I will also understand both of you on an individual level.
At the core of every relationship issue is someone trying to experience love and support from their partner but not being able to express this clearly. My focus is on understanding the interactions and patterns of communication between you that lead to conflict and frustration. Instead of focusing on specific issues, such as finances or household duties, I concentrate on the central issue behind your distress—identifying, expressing, and soothing each other’s emotional needs.
My approach to couple’s therapy focuses on an evidence-based theory called Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) which emphasizes the role that emotions have in influencing interactions. EFT for couples helps each person recognize what the other needs emotionally and how to express themself in a healthier way. I also completed training for EFT with a Created for Connection focus. By utilizing this specific training, I can offer a Christian-based approach for couples if requested.
You and your partner are not enemies. The war isn’t with each other; it is with how you interact to have your needs heard and met. Instead of reacting in a defensive or offensive way, therapy for couples communication issues helps to teach you healthier ways of expressing yourself.
As a couples therapist, I have successfully worked with clients who have faced issues of divorce, emotional and physical affairs, as well as couples who just want to increase the level of connection in their relationships.
You may still have questions about couple’s therapy…
I thought couple’s therapy was only for people who are married or had an affair?
This is a common misconception. I do see clients for marriage therapy to help them work through big issues, such as separation and divorce. However, the smaller issues are just as important. If you could increase connection, deal with conflicts in a healthier manner, and improve the quality of your relationship, wouldn’t you like to find a way to do it?
I’m afraid that by showing emotion, I will be considered weak in the eyes of my partner…
Unfortunately, difficult situations such as trauma or past relationships can affect the comfort and ability of a person to express emotional needs to their partner. Emotions were designed to help people assess their reactions to a situation.
By getting in touch with your own emotions, you can become a better source of comfort for your partner. Creating a safe environment for both of you with the help of therapy will allow you to openly express yourselves and adjust how you respond to one another.
My partner and I are not Christians, can we still benefit from couples counseling?
Absolutely. When we begin our first intake session, I welcome my clients to express their faith-based needs. If an approach through Christian Integration is not important to either of you, this will not affect the effectiveness of our time together.
You Can Find The Emotional Connection In Your Relationship Again
If you are ready to begin healing your relationship but aren’t ready to take the next step, I invite you to call and schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation to talk more about your relationship issues or fill out my contact form.